1mm & 4 minutes…
I’ve been told I was the goofy happy one, looking for fun & making people laugh. I’d never been in a situation where I was low & couldn’t pick myself up with self motivation.
Sept 2016 on my 40th b-day a series of events occurred which started my unravelling including work pressures & the breaking down of a 21 year relationship.
By October I started having suicidal thoughts which grew each day to the point where I was mostly focused on these thoughts. No one in my family knew (they don’t live close by & I didn’t want to burden them).
3 people noticed I wasn’t acting the same. My besties Ro & Dunc, & Todd from work. I confided to them & they started helping me look for professional help
Unfortunately there are not enough services for mental health issues especially in smaller regional areas such as Port Macquarie. When you’re getting into crisis mode it feels even worse. It’s scary to admit these things to yourself let alone tell someone you are really suicidal. I couldn’t get an appointment with a Psychiatrist until February 2017 and I was hanging on by a thread. I ended up losing all hope & when that’s gone you believe everyone is fine without you.
On 03/12/16 I attempted to take my life. Ro was able to save me on that night & all 3 have saved my life on numerous occasions since. I was told 1mm deeper & 4 minutes was the difference between living and dying. I spent 8 weeks in hospital & was diagnosed with major depression & anxiety.
This is when and how my family found out.
Since then I have managed to surround myself with family (words don’t express the love & support you have given), a few close friends and great professionals to help me on my road to recovery.
There have been many dips. I almost didn’t survive Feb this year.
People with all good intensions told me I have to be here for my children, my family, my friends, to enjoy life but for me it always made me feel worse. When you’ve lost all hope this means nothing and makes you feel hollow.
In March another friend Rowena recommended a gym (EBPT) which specialises in 1 on 1 personal training. This was the 1st step in really turning my state of mind around. It's been a great motivator to have someone relying on you to show up & who genuinely cares about your physical & mental wellbeing (Liam you rock!). The support and social circle I’ve gotten there is amazing & I don’t even think they’re aware of how much this means to me & getting better.
I feel like I’m heading into a better place. Whilst I’m aware of the ups and downs, the downs are becoming less frequent and aren’t lasting quite as long.
So I feel extremely grateful to be able to participate in the City2Surf with the Black Dog Institute. I know first hand how little services we have to deal with mental health issues.
Help me raise some money for such a great organisation. I'd like to be the biggest fundraiser for Black Dog for this event (high goal setter now!)
I've managed to reach my initial target of $3,000 on 26/6/18. My next target is $8,000. HELP ME SMASH IT so I can aim even higher!!!
If you ever sense someone is not alright, all you have to do is ask are you ok? Are you safe? Are you having thoughts? Are they suicidal thoughts? Be prepared for any answer. Don’t judge or offer advice. Just listen, just sit and be present. No one wants to admit they’re suicidal but often want to and will do so if you ask the question straight out.